One of the questions I hear most often from second-time parents before their newborn session is some version of this:
“How do we handle the toddler?”
Sometimes it’s asked with anxiety. Sometimes with resigned humor. Sometimes with the look of a parent who has spent the last 48 hours trying to explain to a two-year-old that a baby is coming and that the baby will need to be gentle and that no, you cannot squeeze the baby like that.
After 25 years of photographing newborns in Saint Paul — including hundreds of sessions with older siblings present — I have very specific thoughts on this. What to expect, what to do, and what not to worry about.
The sibling element of a newborn session is one of my favorite things to photograph. Let me tell you why — and how to approach it so that what happens actually produces images rather than chaos.
What Toddlers Actually Do at Newborn Sessions
First, the honest picture.
Toddlers at newborn sessions are not predictable. They don’t follow the session plan. They have opinions — strong ones — about what they want to do and when they want to do it, and those opinions rarely align with the photographer’s shot list.
They may be fascinated by the baby and want to be in every single frame. Or they may be completely uninterested in the baby and want to explore the studio instead. Or they may alternate between both every three minutes.
They may want to touch the baby constantly. Or they may be wary and approach from a distance, watching with a guarded curiosity that is actually — if I catch it at the right moment — one of the most extraordinary things to photograph.
They may have a complete meltdown at some point during the session. This is normal. This is not a disaster. This is a toddler in an unfamiliar environment who has been through a significant life disruption and is communicating accordingly.
All of this is workable. All of it is part of the session. None of it is a problem to solve — it’s material to work with.
How I Structure Sessions With a Toddler Sibling
The Toddler First
The most important structural decision in a session with a toddler sibling is timing: the sibling images happen first.
Not after the baby is settled and the newborn poses are done. First. Within the first twenty minutes of the session, before the toddler’s patience has been used up by waiting.
This means I photograph the sibling with the baby while the toddler still has energy and curiosity and genuine interest. The images that come from this early window — when everything is fresh and the toddler is still engaged — are almost always the most authentic and the most moving.
After the sibling images, the toddler either stays and participates naturally or is given something to do elsewhere in the studio while I work with the baby alone. Either way, we’ve captured what we needed from them at their best.
I Photograph What Actually Happens
I don’t try to manufacture a specific sibling moment. I create conditions for real moments to happen and then I photograph what comes.
This means I’m not directing the toddler to look at the camera or smile or hold the baby in a particular way. I’m watching. I’m waiting. I’m ready for the moment when the toddler leans in to look at the baby’s face and their expression does something involuntary — something that reveals what they actually feel about this new person.
Those unposed moments are worth waiting for. They’re almost always more true and more beautiful than anything I could have directed.
When I show parents these images in the gallery reveal — the ones that caught the real first moments between their children — the reaction is almost always silence first, and then emotion. Because the images show something that happened rather than something performed.
Safety Is Always the Priority
Let me say this clearly: toddlers are never unattended with a newborn during a session.
Parents are always within reach. I’m always watching. A toddler who becomes too rough or too excited is gently redirected immediately.
I work with toddlers rather than against them. If a child wants to touch the baby’s feet, I let them — carefully, with guidance. If they want to give the baby a kiss, we facilitate that — with a parent positioned nearby. If they’re too excited and need a break from the baby interaction, we take one.
Newborn safety is non-negotiable in every session I do. The presence of an enthusiastic toddler doesn’t change that — it just adds a layer of attentiveness that’s already built into how I work.
What Parents Should Do During Sibling Images
The most important thing parents can do during sibling images is stay calm and resist the urge to manage the toddler’s performance.
I know that’s easier said than done. But a parent who is anxious about the toddler communicates that anxiety directly to the child, which produces the opposite of the relaxed, genuine behavior that makes for great sibling images.
Your job during the sibling portion of the session is to be present and warm and let me handle the direction. If the toddler isn’t cooperating with something I’ve asked, I’ll try a different approach. I don’t need you to intervene — I need you to be relaxed enough that your child can feel it.
Specifically: don’t bribe with promises of treats or consequences right before a shot. Don’t say “smile!” or “look at the camera!” Let me be the one to engage the child and draw out what’s real.
Your calm presence is the most valuable thing you can offer during this part of the session.
What the Images Actually Look Like
I want to give you a realistic picture of what sibling images at a newborn session look like — because the expectations families sometimes bring in are shaped by heavily curated social media rather than real sessions.
Not every sibling image will have the toddler looking at the camera with a serene smile. Most won’t.
What you’ll get: genuine moments of interaction. The toddler leaning toward the baby with curiosity. A hand reaching out to touch something impossibly small. The expression of a child who is trying to make sense of this new person and their feelings about it.
Sometimes pure joy. Sometimes wariness. Sometimes the specific expression of a toddler who has decided they’re done with this portion of the session and is making that known with their whole body.
All of it is true. All of it is your family at this specific moment. All of it — photographed with attention and care — tells the story of the beginning of a relationship that will last a lifetime.
If you’re expecting your second and wondering how to handle the sibling element of your newborn session, reach out and let’s talk through it. It’s one of my favorite parts of the work — and with the right approach, it produces images your whole family will treasure.
